The fault in our stars. ...

Tonight my roommate and I watched the fault in our stars. Let me tell you that's a heart wrenching movie.... it got me too thinking of my last days with Steven and even tho we didn't know it was our last days I wouldn't trade what we did in for anything.
This movie also hit home because this week or widow family last a sweet young lady to cancer.  She was absolutely gorgeous and had 6 beautiful kids who she has left behind. I believe Valarie was here to teach us how to live again. .. Perhaps Not  how we once did but to feel a little alive once more.

I hate to admit it but I have been depressed. I miss Steven so much it hurts. Physically hurts. You know when you watch wrestling and someone gets body slammed and you cringe because you know it had to hurt really bad?  That kind of hurt. ...only worse.

Perhaps watching this movie was a horrible idea after all. ......

2014 Susan g Koman Race for the cure

Last weekend was the Susan G Koman Race for the Cure in Little Rock. It was my first of many years to come. I absolutely cannot wait to go next year.

All by myself....

So this weekend I got the "chance" to see what it would be like living alone if I chose to do so... let me tell you, I effin HATE it!! My roommate is down in Dallas visiting her Godfather and I'm all alone till tomorrow. It has been an experience honestly... I have never had a problem being alone until after Steve died. I spent the whole day avoiding coming home to an empty house, well the dogs were here....
I spent a big part of the day at my sister's.  We went shopping and scored some great deals (much to her husbands dismay) and then went home to the kids. Man let me tell you something, those kids are my saving grace. They may be loud, they might bicker and they might grab hold of my leg and beg me not to leave while screaming at the top of their lungs... but I wouldn't trade them for anything. Its always an experience over there. From Susan asking questions about all kinds of things (I'm not kidding you just don't know what she will ask!), to Kinsey telling me she loves me a million times and immediately growling at me, to sweet baby Logan's smiles and cuddles. These kids have saved my life more than once and I'm not gonna lie... my sister has as well. I was close to my siblings before but more so now. I love you guys!
After I left my sister's I dropped by my parents with intentions of staying only a few minutes.  Those few minutes turned into almost 2 hours. Mom and I talked about a sweet widow friend of mine who has cancer and is in hospice. Val has 6 kids with the youngest set of twins being months old.  I have not met Val personally but I love her so much, I wish there was something more that I can do besides give what little I can to her fund. After a good talk with mom we went to see my monster, Tantrum, and checked on the baby calves they have. So adorable!  Upon getting home the puppies were glad to see me... and it was bored to death from there! I have been going through pictures of Steve and I for the past several hours and had a good long cry. I miss that man so much. 
This is why I hate being alone. .. quiet makes me think and remember. Memories are great just sometimes its too much to handle.

Xoxo