School and Holidays!

Well the last few weeks have been CRAZY!! First was Thanksgiving and it was my second without Steven and it was super hard. I just didn't want to be there at all but for the sake of my family I endured. The Friday before turkey day I walked out of my job. I have NEVER just walked out like that but I was done with the childish people and being treated like shit. That monday I started CNA school and yesterday I graduated with a 97%!!!! I am so super excited about this new journey in my life and I look at it as a brand new start in life. I still have to pass the state boards and will be nervous about that but until then I have time to study. I am anxious about the place I will be working at.. it's a brand new facility with lots of new people. During clinicals I was in the alzheimers unit and I absolutely loved it and would love the chance to work with them full time. But we shall see.

As Christmas nears I keep getting this overwhelming feeling that I am so alone. I suppose it is from starting a new job, being without a vehicle, in a new house and just plain missing Steven. I will try to keep myself busy but it's hard when I don't have a car to go places so I can take pictures.

Blogging for a year.. sort of

http://hishoneysucklerose.blogspot.com/2013/11/i-have-battled-long-and-hard-on-how-i.html#gpluscomments


I just realized that November 3, 2013 was my very first blog post! Sadly, I have only made

24 post's in the last year alone(not including this one of course). But I have resolved that I WILL post more, life just sometimes gets in the way of things.

This last year has been one heck of a roller coaster ride, I must admit. In this last year so much has went on its insane. Of course the Holidays last year, as with this year, kind of sucked. On Christmas Eve I spent the whole night in the ER with a kidney stone, then in January I had a PCNL w/ Nephrolithotomy done and had to have that horrible Nephrostomy Tube for a good 4 weeks... it sucked, big time. After that I had several surgeries over the next 6 months but a week after my last one my precious nephew made his appearance into this world! Now I will not lie, I have never been one to just like boy's. I always wanted a girl and just could not get excited about a baby boy... until I saw him for the first time and I just FELL. IN. LOVE!!!!! He is growing like a weed and trying his hardest to crawl. His 2 sister's just love him to death, though it took the youngest sister a little while to get used to him. Kinsey is now 3 years old and cute as a button. She has started to want to dress up and be all girly now, which of course I love. Now if only I could get her to sit still long enough to take her picture that would be great. Lol! Susan has a birthday coming up in January and will be 8 and it makes me feel so old! She's so tall now and such a beautiful girl. She loves cheesing for the camera but I still have a hard time getting her to sit still long enough to take an actual good picture. Another new thing this year is I moved out of my parent's house and into a house with a good friend of mine. It was hard for the first month as I am used to someone ALWAYS being there. Though I am currently without a car and so I am almost always with my roommate it was still something to get used too.
My roommate is getting ready to have her own little boy and I am so excited about it! Cooper will be one spoilt little boy between the both of us. He already has so many clothes.. it's hard to quit buying them for him. :-) I am currently trying to get back into my photography a little more. I miss it but at the same time with my new position at work I dont have the time for it much. I believe I will start trying to take one new photo a week and then up it to a day after a month or so just so I can keep it up. Practice makes perfect they say (and it also keeps my mind off of a lot of things). I have noticed here lately I will have the occasional bad night but otherwise things are getting just a little bit better now. There are still triggers but then again there will ALWAYS be something that triggers my memory of Steven. More recently I could have SWORE I heard him when I went to visit my parent's a few weeks ago. I walked into the house and went into my parent's bathroom to get something and the house was completely empty except for Kris and myself and I thought I heard him say "hey what are you doing here?". I was kind of heart broken when I walked through the doorway and he wasn't there, but in my heart I knew that he wouldnt be there anyway. :(

Holidays... expect the unexpected

Well it's been awhile .... I was blogging semi-religiously for awhile and come to find out they weren't posting .. possibly a good thing.
The holidays have been seriously hard, people told me they would be but honestly I thought I could do it without crying daily ... yup I FAILED miserably. But that is ok. I will get through this on my own time and how I want too. One huge reason this has been so hard for me is on Christmas Eve, amidst our family get together, I got sick. Seriously sick. Ended up in the ER for most of the night and was miserable till the pain and nausea meds hit me. Yup, I'm the not-so-happy-about-it wonder of not one, or two but THREE kidney stones. One is small enough to pass but the other two are 2 & 3 centimeters big. Wayyy to big to big to pass. It was my first ER trip without Steven. :-( what made it worse was the nurse who triaged me asked if I was pregnant MULTIPLE times and I kept insisting there was absolutely no way I could be and of course she asked why not. Like that was her business why.. but I explained my husband passed away 6 months ago and this broad has the audacity to ask what happened ... I was livid. Not only was I sitting there in horrible pain but was trying to not puke all over her expensive tennis shoes and she's more curious as to how my husband died. I just don't get some people. So that was my holiday in a nut shell... fun right?
Well the presents and spending time with my family was really fun till I started feeling bad. So here's hoping everyone else had a Merry Christmas and will have a very Happy New Years!