Holidays... for some reason some are harder than others. Not that every day isn't hard but on holidays its just a little bit harder to get out of bed. A little bit (ok a lot) harder too be around people and a whole lot harder to be happy. I'm not gonna lie its ridiculously hard to keep this happy go lucky almost always smiling look on my face. I have to say I'm proud of myself. I made it through our anniversary and his birthday, both the same day, just 2 months after he died. I got through thanksgiving and Christmas and new years...even Valentine's day. But after the one year angelversary I feel like I'm losing it! This will by my second 4th of July without him and it hurts so bad. I feel like I'm becoming that mean bitter person that snaps at everyone and cannot be happy that you see in all of the movies. I'm not able to be happy for everyone anymore... amazingly enough I can be super nice to people who aren't family (friends at work) and to my siblings but everyone else I just want to slam a frying pan up against their head because they just get on my damn nerves.
Wow I got a little off topic today didn't I? :-) its ok though because I needed to get it off my chest.
Anyway this fourth I am dreading it... just dreading it. I'm going to love seeing my Adorable energetic nieces and my absolutely adorable brand new nephew but the happiness is gonna drive me up the wall. But at the end of the day I can come to my bedroom, crawl into my bed and hug his picture to my chest. I know he loves me and wants me to be happy and I'm trying. I'm honestly trying. Its just hard to be happy when your heart is breaking every single second of every single day.
♥♡♥ I love you sweetheart always and forever ♡♥♡
