Flashbacks. ..

If your in social media I'm sure you have heard of flashback friday... today was my flashback friday.  Only it wasn't your normal "pick a funny picture from back in the day" kind of day. It was a "went past a place and remembered exactly that last day" kind of day. Its happened before normally at night but today I was driving to work and passed the volunteer fire dept... the last men to see my husband alive. The same men driving the ambulance supposedly to one hospital but went to another and never called me to let me know.  I haf a serious serious flashback of the whole day. Of how I was so tired when I came home anf how he made me go to bed. How I woke up a few hours later to him having seizures over and over.  How I couldn't get 911 to work and how when it did they put me on hold. Of how he somehow walked into the living room and me begging him to come back to me. How I watched the ambulance drive away and I drove to hot springs and when I got there they knew nothing of him and we called different hospitals all over.  How when I was driving back to arkadelphia I passed the road to our home and felt in my heart he was gone forever.  And finally how I saw him last... they didn't even wipe the blood from his lips. I just wanted to die with him. The only thing I wanted was to be with him forever.  Instead I had to settle for his wedding ring. Straight up the worst day of my life ever!

This is not a life I would wish on anyone ever.

To my fellow widows and widowers... we have ok days, bad days, and flat out horrible days but by standing together we can hold each other up and help one another to make it through this terrible journey.  I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for so many of yall. I know I'm nowhere close to where some are in this journey but I will make it just like yoh will.

Xoxoxo. ♡