Afraid. Anxious. Fearful. Panicky. Petrified. Terrified.... It all boils down to I am just plain SCARED. On Christmas Eve I spent a few dreaded hours in the ER with horrible stomach pains only to find out I had 2 BIG kidney stones. Now I am used to kidney stones and have had them off and on for years.. but i have NEVER had kidney stones so big that they took up my whole left kidney. About 2 years ago I was living in West Virginia with Steven and had to go to the ER there for kidney stones and was told I had 1 big one in my left kidney but they wouldnt do surgery until i got insurance(this was AFTER they did lithotripsy and could not break it up). So, like a dummy, i let it go until now. So why am I scared? Terrified? Fearful? Well after going to the Urologist (I highly reccomend Arkansas Urology they are all so nice!) I am having surgery Thursday morning. I am going in to get a Nephrostomy Tube and then they are doing Percutaneous nephrolithotomy or PCNL for short.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percutaneous_nephrolithotomyThis is a fairly "simple" procedure I was assured but the biggest worry is Sepsis. Of course I am worried about all kinds of things happening.I have always been the one to worry excessively.
I believe the biggest reason that I am so scared is because this is the first "BIG" thing to happen since Steven died and honestly I miss his wisdom and the way he could always calm me down. He ALWAYS had something smart-assed to say and then would tell me everything would be ok and that I shouldn't worry about anything at all then give me a HUGE bear hug. Man do I miss him.
On another note 1/15/14 is 7 long months since my handsome, sweet, generous, loving man left me. It is so HARD to believe that June will be 1 year since that horrible day.
Here's hoping everyone has a wonderful night. Im sure you will hear LOTS from me over the next few days/weeks since I wont be able to do much.
XOXO -A
